Let us give Thanks

Okay, so this post is about Thanksgiving.  Yes, I am aware that Thanksgiving was a few weeks but I have been busy. Anyways this will be short, I just wanted to tell you a little bit about it.

So when I first got here, I was determined to have a Thanksgiving dinner, no matter what.  Little did I know that not having an oven or microwave would really put a damper on things.  As the weeks went on and the home sickness got a little worse, I decided that I really didn't want to have a Thanksgiving dinner, I wasn't with my family anyways.  Two weeks before Thanksgiving I told everyone that I wasn't going to do the dinner, and I would most likely lay in bed all day, I was perfectly okay with that.  One of my flatmates turned to me and said "We are going to make a Thanksgiving dinner, you can choose to come or not to come."  WELL THEN! The rest of the flat was super excited because it would be their first Thanksgiving.   The day comes and the kitchen was a mess from the previous night, my roommate was in Lapland, and one of my flatmates had class until six.  But that was not the funny part.  The same flatmate that basically took over the Thanksgiving dinner plans, had fallen ill due to circumstances WITHIN her control. I will not say anymore.   Anyways she is laying down trying to peel potatoes off of the side of the bed.  She looked so sick and pitiful, that I snatched the potatoes away and peeled them myself. We had to use someone else's oven, but one of their flatmates was using the oven at the time that we had arranged to use it.  Well that had me freaking out because I told my guest a specific time and I hate to make people wait.

After all that drama and nonsense, we had the turkey cooked and all the food on the table.  No, it was not the traditional, and I feel bad that they were not able to have an authentic dinner.  However, it was a great Thanksgiving dinner.  I made everyone go around and tell what they were thankful for.  I was surrounded by people who I have spent the last several months with.  Everyone helped out and did their part to make it a good holiday for not only me, but themselves as well.  In fact, all I really did was peel potatoes and make a salad. I know, I should be ashamed.  But enough about me, lets looks at some pictures.

          This is just a few of the ingredients that we bought to make Thanksgiving a success

 

 

 One of my flatmates made this turkey.  We call her the creative one because she is always making things that the rest of us don't have the skills for patience for

 

 Room 420 was the host of all of the guest.  These two girls did an awesome job of arranging their room to accommodate us. That was very generous of them...because I wouldn't have done it! (I mean come on, by the time we were done, there was turkey drippings all over the floor)

And this was the group minus a few enjoying Thanksgiving with me!

Take caution when it comes to love

I am currently straddling an uncomfortable fence.  To leave, or not to leave. Yes, of course I am going to leave Estonia, it's just going to be harder than I expected.  It is not the place that is holding me hostage, but the people that currently reside in it.  Three weeks.  If I wanted to be specific, two weeks and five days before I say goodbye to the first person.  I currently have forty three days before I return to the States.  Honestly, it is too soon.

On one hand I am so ready to return to Arkansas.  I can't wait to hug my mom and dad and tell them that I love them. You never know important your parents are until you don't have unlimited access to them. Going abroad has a way of making you appreciative of the people in your life. I want to overdose on my siblings. The boys have grown so much since I have been gone. When I left neither one them were crawling and now they are both on their way to walking. They are going to turn one and I won't even be there to celebrate their birthday... it kills me. Though I am glad that the babies are surrounded by people who love them and enjoy them, I hate that I am not there to enjoy them. All I have are the rare pictures I get of them and their babbles in the background of the phone calls home.  I am  ready to get back to my bigger babies as well.  I want to hold them and tell them that there is a whole world available to them if they just believe.  I want them to know that they can be anyone they want to be and go anywhere they want to go... that their past do not define them. I am ready to get back to my friends.  I can't help of feel a twinge of jealously when they are together having fun, I feel like I am missing out on something.  I miss my former co-workers. Though I know I am replaceable, I secretly hope they won't find anyone as cool or uncool as me. I just want to get back home so I can personally thank everyone that kept me in their thoughts.  It's time..

On the other hand, I am just not ready to give these people up.  In preparing for this trip, I didn't even consider attachment issues.  If I can be completely honest, I was looking forward to meeting THAT guy, the one I have waited for my whole life. Maybe we would ride off into the sunset together. Maybe we would be in the airport, holding on for dear life with "Stay" by Rihanna playing in the background.  I was ready to face the conversation on how we would make a long distance relationship work.  I wanted to experience that international love.  Crazy, I know.  Unfortunately that didn't happen and I still have no idea what it is like to be in a relationship. That is neither here nor there.

My flatmates and I were all sitting in the kitchen last night talking about our first impressions of one another. How even ten days into our stay, we were taking care of each other like we had known each other our whole lives. It's insane to think that a few months ago, we didn't know that each other existed.  I think I can say that we are the very few flats in which everyone like everyone.  Six girls sharing one area can get brutal but we have never ran into any problems. In some ways, these girls know me better than even my closest friends.  And because they have no prior knowledge of me, they do not judge me. I am able to completely be myself and they accept me.  How do I leave that behind? We have invested so much time and energy into one another. I also hate that there are some individuals that I really didn't start to appreciate until the end. Like the person that is always around, but I never tried to get to know.  And then one day we just have a conversation, the whole time I am kicking myself because I realize what I have been missing out on.  I wish I could go back...give us a fighting chance. So needles to say, I am dreading the many goodbyes. I know there is email and social media but I also know that is not enough to prolong the inevitable. I am dreading the day that we simply move on. 

I remember years ago, someone told me I should take caution when it comes to love... I did.